"I just want a drink of water!" Do you ever find yourself saying that in your head? Hopefully you don't, with any luck you aren't like me with this puking problem. I sit here tonight and my one constant thought is, "I just want a drink of water." Of course knowing the events of the day that little voice in my head says, "your gonna puke!" You would think it would prevent me from getting a drink of water but to be so thirsty and not be able to drink all day, you keep trying because your body needs it so bad.
This is how my day goes with this one constant in my life. I can tell you the only satisfaction I've had all day is the time that I fell asleep after taking my pain medicine my doctor gave me....it is also the only time that I've managed to keep anything down today. I want to keep telling myself there's another reason for the puking....first I'd tell myself I overate but heck I'm not hardly eating so theres no way to overeat. Then I tell myself that what I ate I was not ready for but truth be told I stick with what I know I can eat so that shouldn't be a problem. Then finally I blame it on the liquid antibiotics because it is full of sugar and bound to make me dump but I quit taking that 2 days ago so what's my excuse? I must still have a stricture! Today I threw up tomato soup...soup for heaven's sake! I'm so frustrated and I'm thristy but I don't want to go to the hospital to get my tank topped off, I'm sick of hospitals. Friday I had to have lithotripsy down to break up a big kidney stone and thats about as much time that I care to spend in the hospital right now!
You know what kills me? I take one sip of water but throw up 2 cups of liquids...how does that happen? I haven't kept down 2 cups of liquid today so go figure. I will never regret my decision to have this surgery but I just wish we could get this little thing taken care of. Has anyone else reading this had a stricture before? How long did it take before it was fixed and you didn't throw up anymore? I use to hate throwing up....I mean I'd turn purple holding it in before I'd ever throw up but now I just open my mouth and out it comes....isn't that strange? On a good note I have lost a total of 64 lbs. now so I'm doing good! 64 lbs. is alot of weight to lose...and yep I got bat wings and it ain't pretty but I didn't do this to be pretty but to be healthy and that I am slowly becoming. Well I guess I am just ranting so I will close for now. Please talk back to me people I wanna hear your voice:) Take care.
As I mentioned in a previous post I have a special spot on my blog that I will be using to profile the people of weight loss surgery. I truly want to make this blog not only about my journey but about other's journey's as well. I want to dedicate this site to all those who've gone before me and risked their lives for a better tomorrow with weight loss surgery. So in doing so I have found my first candidate that will be profiled very shortly. You probably already know who it is if you read one of my earlier posts but if you don't you'll have to wait alittle while longer to find out.
I really want to hear from you guys, I know there are so many of you out there who have a story to tell and there are so many people who need to hear it. So please don't be afraid, let your voice be heard! If you are interested in being apart of this at the bottom of this post is a link to my email, click on it and email me. Operators are waiting to answer your call....well no seriously there isn't any operators but I will read your email and get back with ya I promise!! Have a beautiful day!
Monday when I was at the doctor he ask me to start keeping a diary of my food intact and everything else since I am having so much trouble keeping food down. I decided that I would post it here and every day I will come back to this post and edit with the days activities and food. I am sharing this here because of the puking and the stricture part because if you ever think you have one you will relate to this part of my journey. I can tell you that I am so frustrated right now I want to cry. Today I picked my daughter up from school and had to take her to therapy I stopped several times to throw up on the way. When we got to the doctor's office I went and threw up again and have been thrown up a couple times since I have been home. Please click the READ MORE link to see my daily journal. Monday Feb. 18, 2008
Just to note: Office visit. Start keeping diary. Had a long day away from home didn't eat until 7pm. Had alittle bit of chicken breast. As usual it stuck so I spent the next
several hours sick until finally at 2am I was able to throw it up. Everytime I tried to drink water during the hours after I ate it would come right back up. Reminder to
mention to Dr. Kehdy: I checked the label on the Muenster cheese I had been eating and it had 0 carbs, 6g fat, 5g protein per slice(22g) with 1 serving of the 98% fatfree
turkey this gives me 14g of protein.
Tuesday Feb. 19, 2008
Breakfast: Tried to eat a tablespoon of cottage cheese and a tbs of applesauce, it didn't agree with me had maybe a teaspoon of each. About 30 mins. later tried to eat a
half a banana. It stayed down but I was uncomfortable the rest of the day.
Lunch: I was at my urologist's office and Jewish hospital getting records during that time so I didn't get to eat.
Dinner: (5pm)Made a 4 oz. piece of fish, ate maybe 3 oz. of it. Made me sick again. After about an hour and a half of eating I drank some water, it came back up. Then I
tried a popsicle an hour or so after that and it came up. Wait another hour took a sip of water, came up again. Waited 2 hrs. took another sip and came up again. By
1am I was throwing it all up...this is why I can't sleep:(
Wednesday Feb. 20, 2008
Happy birthday to me! Sore throat from all this throwing up it feels swollen all the way down. Did the smart thing this morning, tried a couple bites of yogurt took my
daughter to school and amazingly enough it stayed down so I ate alittle more when I got back. Also made me a piece of bacon...but the jury is still out on this one.
Keeping fingers crossed it stays down.
Walked today, did 30 min. areobic exercise, and strength toning.
Lunch - 2 oz. Ground chicken breast. Some cucumber slices. Yeah! Another meal stayed down.
Dinner - 2 small pieces of grilled chikhen size of a quarter, 1 tbsp beans.
snack - salad with lettuce, cucumbers, bacon bits, and lowfat dressing
Thursday Feb. 21, 2008
Breakfast - 1/2 scrambled egg, 1 piece of bacon
Snack - cucumber slices
Lunch - 3 small peices of grilled chicken about the size of a quarter, 1 tbsp beans.
Dinner - Nothing. By the time dinner rolled around I was throwing up lunch. I had no problems with this meal yesterday but today it did not agree with me. It took me
until 1am to finally, finally be able to drink 1 16 oz. bottle of crystal lite because everytime I drank anything I threw it back up.
Friday Feb. 22, 2008
Breakfast - 1/4 cup of oatmeal, turkey sausage patty
Lunch - Tried a 2 small bites of baked pork but it felt like it might make me sick so I ate a teaspoon of green beans and a teaspoon of cabbage. I may still try something
with more protein but I am trying to give my stomach a bit to recover...Just on that little bit I feel so sick. I am physically tired from all this being sick and throwing up.
Not unhappy about my decision....will never be unhappy because I am in such a better place than I was just frustrated. On a good note I did weigh today and am at
255.4 and I'm even on my period so go figure:)
7:38pm - I have been throwing up since 2:30 and all I ate was that little bit I had at lunch. Before I was miserable after dinner until I finally threw up several hours later
which meant I didn't get sleep at night. Now I am throwing up at lunch, forget dinner, forget drinking anything, all I can do is be sick. This is the 2nd day in a row that I
went all day with less than 8 ozs. of liquid in me and that was thrown up! I don't want to have to wait until 2 am again until I can finally drink some liquid and be able to
go to bed. I even took a phenagren suppository. This wasn't your normal throw up where your food just comes right back up no taste or the same taste it had when it
went down this was a horrible, gut wrenching foul tasting puke. I am just so frustrated and tired, each day it gets harder and harder to get me up because of lack of
sleep, each day my energy level drops more and my body aches. Sorry for the rant. Read more!
I am a member of Youtube where I share videos with many other wls patients and those waiting to have surgery. This is a wonderful forum to share your journey. Recently I was watching a video called, "WLS Rant" and felt that this would be something that might be of interest to all who are thinking about and have had this surgery. The poster of the video "WLS Rant", AprilDawn77 is "ranting" about how she feels some people get wls for "the easy way out" and others do so but still eat all the wrong things. While her rant may have been meant in a sincere form she comes off to me as being a former "fatty" who now condemns those who have had the surgery like her. Below is the video and then following that is my response to her personally. Click the READ MORE link underneath this video to read the whole story and comment.
Here is the video:
Dear AprilDawn77,
I had planned to make a video in response but felt that instead I would put it here in a forum for all to see and respond to. Please know first that this is just purely my opinion just as you have yours and I am not attacking you personally because I do believe that deep down you had a sincere concern when making your video. I feel that your view of others who have had wls is somehow misguided by what you perceive as supporting your peers. The below comments are my response to you while I watched your video.
Near the beginning of your video you stated that "change didn't happen!" following these people’s wls. I have to disagree with your statement completely because change doesn't happen overnight & this tool is used to allow the person the time to change their mindset. Maybe you were not an "addict" but it doesn't happen overnight. Some drug addicts are prescribed Methadone by doctors to aid them in getting clean. Methadone is a drug but yet because drug addicts need time to change their habits doctors feel this alternative drug will help them until they have gotten clean. So you see even drug addicts don’t quit overnight. I am sure that during your time of “drying out” you may have slipped up at some point but even if you didn’t doesn’t matter some people’s will power may not have been as strong as yours. If you never cheated I commend you for that but I don’t agree that just because you didn’t that you should belittle those who are still learning to change their habits.
I was addicted to food, I was also a very sick and an unhealthy person who would have died without this surgery. I wake up everyday thinking of food, I get bored and look in the fridge, I sit in front of the computer wanting to eat while I type...old habits die hard BUT it doesn't mean that I go in search of comfort food, no I struggle but now with the knowledge that this tool has given my brain a chance to change my mindset with hopes that one day I will no longer be an addict. Not everyone goes home from the hospital with no desire to eat and if you did your journey was so much more simpler than others. Had it been that you went home having a desire to eat you might not be sitting here today publicly condemning what you yourself once was so easily. Personally, I get sick almost everyday and throw up....it has gotten to the point in the last couple of weeks that I was so hungry and so sick that I was happy to just eat ANYTHING to contend with my stomach. If it wasn't for sugar free popsicles I'd probably be dead from the dehydration that I suffer with.....why do I eat them? Because my doctor said, "try popsicles because your liquid will go in much slower that way" and because I can't afford to keep going to the hospital to get pumped full of liquids. Even water hurts my stomach sometimes....is it something I did, nope I had a stricture and probably still do since I am still throwing up 2 months post op. Of course I sound as if I am making excuses for myself but I am not because though I struggle with addiction I know that if I cannot even hold water down at times, pizza isn't going to be my friend either not even the toppings. I will admit to you though and say, yeah I've had something that maybe I shouldn't have & either I paid for it or at least I got something in my stomach that actually stayed down and with no nutrition staying in my body at least there was something there. Is it a habit? Heck no, the only habit I do have right now is that at some point almost every day I will puke. I'm not complaining though because the truth is that regardless I am healthier now then I was just a couple months ago. I also don't tell people that they shouldn't have this surgery because of what I have been through because it saved me and it can and will help countless other people get healthier and live longer.
You ARE a different girl & all of the people you have condemned are different too... didn't you learn that not only your own bad habits put you in the body you were forced to have cut on in order to change it but that the condemnation of others lowered your self esteem to a point where you had no faith or control in yourself? We can look at others and get frustrated all day long at the food they put in their mouths but regardless we will always be, "that person who had to have surgery to get skinny!" Yeah, lets just think about that for a minute....hmmmm “You mean, you had to have surgery because you just couldn't close your mouth and lose weight????” “Why didn't you just eat this way before and save yourself all the trouble of going through a surgery that could have killed you?????” “If people would just get up off their lazy butts and exercise they wouldn't be fat“ ..... Does this sound familiar? Its horrible that people view us this way and people often say these very things to us so we are no different than those that are still struggling, we should be thankful instead and give back by not judging but instead helping others.
You say, "let the time change your decisions" but yet your comments are clear that you don't think these people need time but an immediate change after surgery. The only change after surgery is your body, the rest comes when your mind learns how to adjust to how it should have worked to begin with. The sad thing is when someone who is suppose to be in their "corner" goes public about condemning them you have just knocked them down that much further & you have become exactly the same people who once judged you & called you fat. It is so easy for us to sit here having had the surgery to look at those who are still struggling with food and condemn them because we cannot eat like we once did. I too am guilty of this, I had the surgery but my husband didn't & he can't stick to his diet for nothing but should I be condemning him? No! Just because I had surgery & I can now give up the same foods that he still struggles with doesn't give me the right to judge him just like it doesn't give anyone the right to judge anyone else. In fact do you know that now that I am on the other side of the bench he is self conscious and to him I am no longer like him but every word I say & every look I give him makes him feel as though I am now condemning him. How can I be so judgmental? Because I can't eat like that anymore but yet I have commented on his lack of diet efforts and I really just need to keep my mouth shut and support him...I am guilty of the same thing you are but I have a new mindset that needs some adjustment as well. Of course you are not talking about pre-op people though I am sure you probably are more judgmental towards them now too because it is so easy for us to judge others from our new point of view.
Addiction is addiction, food addicts go to the support meetings seeking support just like drug addicts or alcoholics do and they need to be lifted up, they need to learn to believe in themselves that, "Yes, they can do this" not, "dude your a failure!" The reason those people keep coming to the support group is because they desire change and support, not, "if it were me, I'd be too embarrassed to go" - omg let's just kick them while their down! Maybe you should be saying, "you know, I understand your struggling so what can I do to help? Can we walk together? Or Can I help you by being there for you in whatever way you need me?"
I apologize for this in your face commentary I am not trying to sound mean to you or offensive or anything like that but I am trying to show you why your comments were not only hurtful but were wrong. You have such an advantage here to show your knowledge for what you have learned that I am sure you could really help all us of who are not where you are now but leave the negative at home and you will touch a lot more people. The parts of your video that were helpful were honest and sincere and I see that you just want people to see that this tool won't last forever, you are trying to make a plea on behalf of someone else's health I just feel you went about it wrong. We listen to fat jokes, and see fat videos making fun of us fatty’s all day long, we go to work and don’t get the jobs or raises we are experienced enough for because of our weight, people snicker behind our backs in public, we order our food and are embarrassed when we go to sit in a booth only to find that we no longer fit, we walk down the street to hear some car horn blaring and some idiot yelling, “hey fat a$$‘ or some other cruel name, and we cry at night because some people think we are not even worthy of love is that not enough to deal with already? If those of us who have had weight loss surgery don’t support those who haven’t or who have had it who will? Is it fair to beat them down when you , yourself were more than likely blessed to have the support of your peers and if you weren’t then even more reason to want to support someone who is going through this. Just a final thought and I will shut up….did it ever occur to you that the person or persons who lost all there weight and then gained it back at the support group you attend was there because that group was all they had? Maybe there is no one who cared about them or their life had fallen apart, their relationship had begun to unravel, and their family have become totally unsupportive or always been unsupportive to them but at the SUPPORT group they felt secure and supported and just maybe they would have renewed faith after hearing someone else’s struggle and will start over again. Maybe after listening to your video they will be “too embarrassed to come back” like you suggested you would be…how’s that for support?
Sincerely,
Kellie aka Bakersbazaar
If you would like to comment on this response please do so here so that others can read what you have to say and this goes for anyone reading this. If you would like to post a video response please go to Youtube upload the video and then send me the embedded html and then email that to me and I will gladly post your video response here. My email link is located at the bottom of this post or you can click on the comment link below the post border after the advertisement.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond to this message.
THE STORY DEEPENS.........
As I was commenting back to those of you who have so far responded to this on youtube I noticed that AprilDawn77 had made a response to Beautifulcurves so I watch the video. I have to say first that first impressions are everything as they say but first impressions are not always the true nature of the character. AprilDawn77 came across in this video as so caring and loving and I could totally see that she genuinely cared about helping others. So let me clarify that I was not totally knocking her but just defending those people who might not stand up for themselves. And to AprilDawn77 I stand corrected because maybe you are like me and sometimes you open your mouth and the wrong thing just happens to come out and it doesn't sound at all like you meant it too. So in all fairness I am posting this next video here so you all can judge for yourselves and see two of the many sides of one person. Peace out!
In keeping with this whole thing that seems to have turned into a huge rant here is more videos and responses. Because of bandwidth I need to just put the links here:
I did save the last 2 best videos for last which I will show. This one is by iltommyd in response to AprilDawn77 as well as everyone else who commented I believe. In his video he is very insightful and eloquent with his wording, he said all the right things and said it better than I had tried to up above he is someone we all can learn from so here it is:
This final one is by MissKrispy who I found to be a beautiful, sincere person I loved her video and will probably show her videos on here alot because she appears to be a true supporter. This might have to be my very first "Loser's Club inductee" and I'm sure you will agree when you watch her video!
If you've been on very many websites you already know that weight-loss surgery is a tool and working your tool is totally up to you. After having weight-loss surgery chances are your doctor will tell you that you have a good 12 to 18 months of time in which your tool is working at it's optimal performance. During this time you will spend alot of time learning how to eat properly, you will learn to eat to live instead of living to eat.
If you are still in the throws of researching surgeries you are probably spending alot of time reading about the procedures and which is best for you. Surprisingly, research doesn't end after you hop off the table to a new life after bariatric surgery. The time that I personally spend on the internet since bariatric surgery has doubled as I re-learn to treat my body in the way it was intended to be treated. I find that I will spend time on www.youtube.com or www.obesityhelp.com learning what others are going through or have gone through before me. There is a big support system on the internet for those of us to be involved in as we share with others who can truly relate to what we go through on a day to day basis.
Another good source for research is going to monthly support meetings that are hosted by the bariatric clinic that did your surgery. While I personally, have not been able to attend a meeting yet I am totally pysched about going. Another form of research and support is to make appointments to see the nutritionist and the therapist at your bariatric center. While none of us wants to think we need someone to get in our heads and bodies to tell us what we need to do, the truth is if we knew what to do to begin with we would not have needed this surgery. This life changing experience is by no means easy nor are you taking the easy way out as so many uninformed people like to say. Surgery is the easy part but it is what comes after surgery that is difficult.
Being almost two months post-op this reality has hit home with me as I struggle with the day to day in and outs of life after bariatric surgery. In the last two months I have learned some disturbing things about myself that I am not proud of. For one, I am an addict - I am totally addicted to food. Every morning I still wake up and think about food, I still go to the refrigerator several times aday in search of something to satisfy my addiction. I still want to eat those things that I cannot and if I do the end results are that I spend way too much time with my head hanging over the toilet puking my guts out. When I am bored I want to eat, when I am sitting here in front of the computer I fidget because I want to have food nearby to satisfy my craving. I get angry when my husband eats something that I want but can no longer have. I even lashed out at him recently for overeating in Subway, making a fool of myself all for the sake of my addiction. While I have no defense and feel horrible about this he did tell me to keep him in line since he was on a diet. So you see bariatric surgery isn't the easy way out it takes work and it is a painful journey for one who always could count on food to take away whatever feeling we wanted to forget.
I could go one and tell you more like what life is like when you have a stricture but I guess I need to leave something for the next post. I hope that you have enjoyed your visit and will bookmark me or rss feed me and come back and visit often. Please feel free to comment and share your stories I would love to hear them. In the meantime take care of yourself and love your body. God Bless.
Kellie
P.S. Please be sure to check out the next post about "The Loser's Club," I really am looking forward to your input and getting this club started so email me today!Read more!
As you know if you've been here before this is a new blog. I'm a blog veteran but I decided to make a blog specifically for my weight loss surgery journey and those who are on a journey from obesity like myself. There are so many untold stories out there that need to be heard and with this blog I am making it a mission to share everyone's story.
So if you notice on the left hand sidebar I have a picture but on the right hand sidebar I do not. While I was searching for an appropriate image to place there I came up with an idea. Twice a month I would like to post an image of a fellow "loser." The reason for a bi-monthly post is one for a new loser and one for a loser who is at least 1 year post op. Along with the image would be a link to their personal blog, website, youtube video, or profile from another website. Should you have none of these please don't let that stop you, I can help you make one. This way not only is your story being heard but people who are just starting their journey have an opportunity to learn from you.
Now all you have to do is to email me telling me you would like to participate. Now also if you would like to suggest someone I would love to know about that too. Please include your link so that I will be able to check you out. Now all I have to do is figure out how to make the decision on who gets posted each month. If you have a suggestion please by all means email me your idea and I will share it here so that everyone can see. Maybe I will need to put a poll up, whatcha think? I would love to hear your input on this so please, please email away.
I had gastric bypass surgery on December 18, 2007 and so far I have lost 54 lbs. So at this time I would like to add some before and after pictures. I've been receiving alot of feedback from people who say they can tell that I've lost but the only place I can truly tell is in my face so lemme start with that.
This one was taken about a year ago:
This one was taken 1 month post-op:
This one is a body shot taken a couple months before surgery.
This one is 1 month post op.
Here's a couple face shots I took over the weekend....Notice the new do?
I think all the pics can be clicked on to see a larger version. Well I have been working on this blog all night and it is very late or pretty early however you look at it so I am off to bed. I need my beauty sleep.
1. Extend your arm in front of your body bending your elbow at a ninety degree angle to your body.
2. Keep your fingers straight and turn the inside of your wrist to your body.
3. Place your thumb and index finger on the two prominent bones on either side of your elbow, measure the distance between the bones with a tape measure.
4. Compare to medium-framed chart below. Select your height based on what you are barefoot. If you are below the listed insches, you frame is small, if you are above your frame is large.
